Finding My Way out of Darkness
Through my life I have struggled with anxiety and depression. When I was younger there were some dark times that I fought through. Watching Oprah’s TV show introduced me to self-help and I began keeping a quote book and encouraging things. I also relied on prayer to pull me out.
When I became a mom I ended up having to have a c-section and I was trying to breastfeed. A lack of sleep became a given and it changed me. I was sad most of the time and just felt like a different person. I tried to put on the happy face around others but when alone there was no smiling at all. My husband and I wanted to have another child but I told him I needed counseling first. This counselor seemed to be making things worse. She agreed with all my struggles and wanted me to just change situations I was in when I was not capable of changing them. Once again I found myself turning to God and positive quotes. I also joined a woman’s group at my church. I found may way through again.
Through the years I have had my ups and downs and when I am down I have tried counseling but recently our insurance changed and counseling was going to cost us a pretty penny. So less than a year ago I felt myself falling deep into my dark hole. My in-laws attend a church that offers counseling for just a donation. I looked to the Catholic Church to help. Where I was living free counseling would be out of the question. It was going to cost close to $125 an hour. Are you serious? How are people able to afford this?This made me mad and sad. How can my religion not help me? My local priest was willing to meet with me but I wanted someone I didn’t know personally.
I began praying and asking God to lead me where he wanted me to be. Please help me find a way out of this. I want to be better for my children. My older brother gave me the gift of meditation for Christmas and I found myself doing that daily. It really got me into an almost trans-like state. This led me to reaching out to a friend of mine who has found peace and relief through Reiki. A few years ago when she just began training, she practiced on me and I remember having the same calming feeling I had when I meditated. I asked her if she would train me and thanks to her help I became certified in Reiki level I.
During this time I also went on a woman’s retreat and was introduced to Tai Chi. Tai chi is like meditative movement. This seemed to fit together with everything else I was learning and was similar, yet different tools I could use to help me.
God led me to these tools to help me and they were working. I also remembered I use to love using essential oils to help me and the kids. So I dug out my oils and began using them. Peace was finding it’s way back into my life. God has answered my prayers in a way that I didn’t expect but was grateful for.
So as I continue to learn more about these tools I am hoping that not only will I help myself but I can help others in similar situations find tools they can empower themselves with. Stay tuned for future post on these different tools/blessings.
Copyright 2020 Sheila M Scarpulla. All rights reserved. No reproduction without written consent.