Struggling to be the Best Mom I Can
Being a parent is the hardest job any of us will ever have. I struggle at it everyday. My sole job is being a stay at home mom and the pressure I put on myself is huge. It is the most important job I will EVER have. I have to get it right. What does getting it right mean to me? Our children are the future of the world and generations to follow. Therefore, for me raising my children to be Christ like to others, to have happiness and to succeed in whatever they choose to do. These are challenging job duties and more times than not I feel like I am failing them.
My oldest is questioning his faith so that alone has been a huge weight on me but I have learned so much. God created my son and entrusted me to raise him. What an honor. God knows him inside and out. My son is so intellectual and has amazed me since he was born.
When he was younger he told me he wanted to be a priest and I had never thought about that before but at that moment I felt like a huge success. My child might grow up to help others on their religious path and give his life to serving him. Part of me knew chances were slim that this would happen since he planned on discovering teleportation. It would be a bit of a challenge to try and do both.
Now fast forward to today. He no longer wants to be Catholic. As a cradle Catholic I thought that I would burn in hell for this. Was it missing mass or not reading the bible enough? Could it have been the fact that I married a man who is not currently Catholic? So many thoughts.
Yet, I now realize that God is there for him and God will always be there for him. My son struggles with the idea of Jesus being both human and God. How can he be the son of man and God? He sits at the right hand of God but is God? These are all valid questions.
I ask him and my husband if they believe Jesus existed. They both agree that he lived. Jesus not only lived but he loved others. He was kind and spread love not hate. Outcasts were taken care of by him. No one was ever judge by him and many were forgiven. He was what we should all strive to be like as humans. This innocent man was tortured, beaten, and nailed to a cross to die slowly. Something no one would ever want to endure esp if we hadn’t done anything wrong. Yet, here is this man and as he dies he asks for those who caused him harm to be forgiven.
I believe we all have had doubts or questions about what we believe. It is normal and I support my son on whatever journey he may endure. I ask God to guide him and hopefully bring him back.
My husband and son are good people that God created and God will decide their fate. My Church taught me that if we sin and do not go to confession we will burn but I realize that is not true. I confess to God on a daily basis for falling short and he loves me and forgives me. He feels my pain and knows our hearts. Where any of us go after we die is between us and God. I will simply continue to pray for us all. May God guide us and lead us where he wants us to go and that we listen. That he forgives us for all our imperfections.
Then I think of Mary. Whether or not Jesus is the son of God or God, this man was on earth and he had a mother. She raised him and then watched his horrific pain. That thought and imagine is so hard to imagine. When I struggle I look to her to help me be more like her.
I am far from the perfect mother but I will continue to love my children with all my heart and try to do my best when it comes to them. They deserve me giving 110% and that is what I strive for. May God watch over us all, guide and lead us where he wants us to go.
Copyright 2020 Sheila M Scarpulla. All rights reserved. No reproduction without written consent.